It started with a pencil in my fish tank, as I walked in the door,
Do I smell smoke in the air, are my drapes smoldering in a pile on the floor?
Hot wheels line the floor like a zombie apocalypse, oh gosh! He painted my walls with applesauce and napkins!
As I walk through the living room, “What the hell is that in my chair?”
Seriously is the dog hog tied, her ears poking out of his underwear?
I only stepped out for a moment, that’s all it took for him to take control of it?
What happed to the babysitter? Where is my husband at?
Just wait until I find this kid, what the hell is that thumping noise?
I walk into my room and look in my bed, what the hell is that mess in the middle of it?
Holy shit! Is that my son with mud from his toes to his head? I think he’s sleeping bare butt naked in my bed!
For a moment I thought of selling him to the neighbors.
Hold on a second, wasn’t there a babysitter here somewhere?
Isn’t my husband supposed to be in here over there?
That was his office, who is that passed out in his chair?
It looks like they fell a sleep pulling out their hair!
You know, there seems to be some sort of likeness, Is that my husband, my love, oh man that’s you that is pulling your hair!!
Why are there feet sticking out from over there? They’re shivering, shaking, “Hey honey wake up! It’s the babysitter quaking!”
“What in the hell happened here?”
” I see what you’re saying, that’s all fine and dandy, but who’s bright idea was it to give him the candy?”
“No, no, don’t you worry. I’m not selling him to the neighbors. You see, this happens every time he gets some candy.
This kid runs around screaming and hollering like a wild banshee”
It’s time to tuck his little bum to bed, with his sugar rush all gone.
Don’t worry my friend we’ll toss a torch on it in the morn.